All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
