Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
