I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
