Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you had me at cake vodka
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
