Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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