All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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