Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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