Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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