Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
