Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
