Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
