Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
