You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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