my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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