so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
