No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
