Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
wow bdsm is so cute
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