I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
