fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
