I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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