so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
