I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
