My room smells like vodka and shame
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
