I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
