now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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