I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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