but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just high enough for therapy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
