i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
