I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
