the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
