The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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