I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
