Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
