No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
