How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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