I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
