I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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