Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
