Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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