I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
