We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
