It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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