i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
