I'm so fucking centered right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
