that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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