make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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