My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
