They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
