Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
