last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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