downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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